Why I'm asking for commissions

SOHM, I’m writing this one journal here so I won’t clog the Commission information with rambling. But basically, this here is the explanation: why I’m asking for commissions.

I won’t pretend I’m not desperate anymore, because I am. I’ve said my mom and I are in a financial pinch before, but I’m not fond of exposing myself on the Internet, so I never got into details. Well, now I feel I must do so.

We’re pretty much fucked up financially. We live in a somewhat rich area of São Paulo; when we moved here, about 19 years ago {I was 3 months old at the time}, we had quite a lot of money. All was happy and well, until my dad died in 2006, and then things turned upside down.

Our money started becoming more and more scarce, until we got to the situation we’re in right now. We live in an expensive apartment, in an expensive neighborhood, with expensive bills, but we no longer have the income to afford those bills, so we owe the condominium an expressive amount of money. Our apartment could go for auction at any moment because of that, and if it does, we’re royally fucked, because it’ll be sold for a ridiculously low price and then good luck for us to find a good place to move to afterwards with the money it will be sold for.

We’ve been trying to sell the apartment for EIGHT YEARS. My mom’s selling it for a cheaper price than it’s worth, it’s in a very good location, it’s a hugeass apartment {157 m²}, but no one wants to buy it. It can’t even be sold in monthly installments because we owe to the condominium and that debt must be cleared before the apartment can be sold. People have to buy it in its whole price. And that makes it much harder to sell. We ALMOST sold it like three times; all that was left was to sign the contract. But the condominium debt’s papers take so fucking long to solve that it gave enough time for the buyers to reconsider and then give up.

Up until a few days ago, we had no refrigerator because it was broken; it barely cooled anything. Our food spoiled quickly, and it was a Russian roulette everytime we chose to leave something in there to eat it the next day. I recently had a food poisoning; I had a fever of almost 39ºC / 102.2ºF and I had to take antibiotics for a week and lots of rest. I’m sure it’s because of something I ate from that damn refrigerator. We don’t have the money to buy another one, but luckily a friend of mine whose old refrigerator doesn’t work so well anymore {but it works, differently from ours} bought a new one, and he’s going to give us his old one. If it wasn’t for this, we’d be stuck without a refrigerator like we’ve been for the past two months or so.

Our washing machine is gone. Broken. We have to wash our clothes by hand. As a result, dirty clothes pile up like hell, we have to reuse clothes more times than it’d be necessary otherwise and not always do we have clean shirts or pants to use, which is why we have to reuse so much {so we won’t run out of clothes}.

There are other broken things here that we can’t afford to fix, but they don’t get in our way as much.

My mom can’t even retire because she owes the INSS {the institution that takes care of the retirements}. She sells apartments for a living; luxurious apartments at that. But that means that she has no benefits and no salary. If she doesn’t sell, we don’t have money. And she hasn’t sold anything truly relevant for almost two years now. We’re only surviving because of the pension that was left from my father, but as soon as I turn 21, that pension will be cut by half. And trust me, it’s not a lot of money the way it is now. With it we can buy food {cheap food at that, no luxuries}, pay most of the bills, buy the medications we need, and that’s it. If anything comes up and we have to spend more money than that, more and more debts start to pile up. We have a lot of debts right now. A LOT.

I’m studying like crazy this year to get into a good public university, because we don’t have the money to afford a private one, and because the public ones are overall better. But it’s not easy. It’s the third year I’m trying. If I have to learn about logarithm or Portuguese pronouns or Greece and Rome for one more year again I think I’m gonna scream

Thank God I have my boyfriend, that pays pretty much all of my entertainment when we go out together, which makes me feel really guilty because I feel like I’m sucking away his money, as much as I’m thankful for what he does to me. He has to pay everything double because of me, and I really wish this wouldn’t have to be the case anymore.

So yeah. This is a lot of rambling, I know. As I said before, I don’t like exposing my life on the Internet, but I think it’s become necessary. We need money. All that I ask is that if you can’t/don’t want to buy one of my commissions, please, please spread the word. Spread the word to as many people as you can. I’d highly appreciate it, and I’d thank you from the bottom of my heart, because we’re in serious need right now.